Moleskine
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My good friend Leon introduced me to these most excellent notebooks a while ago – they were apparently used by the likes of Hemmingway, who swore by them. They’re a brilliant little notebook, about 90mm x 140mm x 13mm so a good size for the shirt pocket or back pocket, they have a useful little pouch inside the back cover for loose bits of paper, one of those string bookmarks you get in bibles, and a *very* handy elastic band attached to the outer cover, which you just pull around the notebook to keep it closed. The covers are nice and firm, which means it’s easy to write on either side of the book whenever you don’t have anywhere to rest it against, and it comes in a number of formats. I’m currently using a couple that are square ruled, as they’re handy for drawing little diagrams in as the fancy takes me, but generally I can’t recommend these notebooks enough. They’re about 20 dollars, which isn’t exactly cheap but they’re very very nice…
Dunkeld again
Wahey – we’re going to Dunkeld again next week. I’m looking forward to this – this time I won’t have withdrawal for the whole weekend which should help! It will be nice to get a few days away, catch up on a bit of sleep and read and write a bit. Plus it means we get to spend a bunch of time together, along with Big Michael and Sian, and likely get in a few games of settlers.
I think it will do all of us some good – hopefully will work some kinks out of B’s current bad temper, and give us all a bit of relaxation.
New Age? Naff Age
I went to a little “New Age and Psychic Expo” today, something R found a pamphlet for in the letterbox. I didn’t have particularly high hopes for it but thought I’d go take a look on the off chance there was someone serious there – but unfortunately it was essentially a swap meet of tarot readers and suchlike. There were some nice people there, but the content was very much as the cynic in me expected. There was one stall offering “Aura Photography” which looked to me as though the guy had an empty black box taped to the side of his camera, and he mucked about with a coloured lens flare on the film before printing the photo. But obviously that’s enough for a lot of people 
A little disappointing, but fairly predictable as it stands. Perhaps at one of the bigger expos they have in the city every now and then I’ll find something a little more useful.
Contact
I’m having a good day so far today – much else to write about, which I will catch up with in due course but for the moment I had to share this. I icq’d someone a few days ago as I’d found their number on a website containing GD info. I heard from him today, and actually had a good old chat – turned out he’d been practising for 10 years or so, and he was happy to answer a bunch of questions for me. So I’ll no doubt badger him senseless in the near future, but in the meantime he has given me a couple of books and authors to hunt down, as well as an email address for a GD contact in melbourne! On top of that, it’s very encouraging just to have been able to chat to someone who for the first time knew what I was talking about and actually had studied it properly themselves. So I feel I’m on track with all of this – I’ll explain more in subsequent posts but for the moment I’m just happy to have made contact with someone who knows something about it
Treasure
We went to see John and Kelly on saturday, and I got to play with Maia for a while – she’s grown so much! I guess it has been ages since I saw her, but she’s motoring around now like crazy and isn’t the slightest bit shy of anything She’s a gorgeous little thing – and I really enjoyed just spending a few hours with them all, with R and B there also. It was a very enjoyable afternoon, and B had a great time wandering about with Maia, who called him “boy” all day hehe.
Something it made me think about though, was just how quickly they grow up. About every three months or so, sometimes more, it passes through my mind that I need to be careful not to miss out on B’s life. He develops so quickly – the mis-pronounced words that I loved a year or so ago are now pronounced correctly (which is good, but not as cute , the little games we used to play are forgotten, and new ones take their place. He’s such a fascinating little munchkin , and so smart, that I wish sometimes I could just not work and spend much more time at home with him.
As always happens, there are times I’m impatient with him – when I’m tired or ill, or just when I’m concentrating on something else. No matter how much you love them sometimes you just want a little peace and quiet But I constantly remind myself that every moment I spend away from him, every walk and kickaround and game of cards that I turn down because I’m too tired, or too tetchy or just doing something else – is an opportunity that won’t come again. It’s a long way away relatively speaking, but the way life is rushing past I feel it’s never too early to start paying attention to the little details that you’ll miss when they’re past.
It’s one of the main motivations for my new fitness regime really – I want to be able to play in the park with him, kick the ball around and chase him round the bushes without having a coronary. I want to teach him the right way to kick a football, and all sorts of other things – although for most sports I’ll probably ruin him for life if I try to teach him! I really want to be able to teach him martial arts and that kind of thing as well, and for all this I need to lose weight and get my fitness back – which is happening, but I keenly feel the time I’m missing.
I had an english class in high school – year 8 I believe – that had a piece of cream coloured paper on the wall with a quote written on it. I have no idea who put it there, or for what reason, but it has stuck with me ever since I first read it, and it is one of my favourite quotes. I think I put it in that ridiculous survey in an earlier post, but sod it here it is again anyway -
” Four things come not back -
the sped arrow,
the spoken word,
time spent,
and the opportunity missed.” — Omar, 2BC
Carpe Diem and all that -and never a truer word spoken than this in relation to watching your children grow up. I thank God for every day I’m granted with B – and with R, as it is through them that I truly live. Nothing is more important than spending time with your loved ones.
Theosophical nattering
Trisha came around sunday afternoon, and we had a good old chat about theosophy in general and about the things I’ve been exploring lately. Also had a bit of a discussion on the issues I’ve been having overcoming conditioned responses from when I was a child, and finding my own opinions on things – the whole exercise was very enjoyable. It was also nice just to catch up with Trish as we haven’t seen her in ages.
In an interesting way chats like this also highlight my ignorance, in that I attempt to explain these concepts to my friends – concepts which I have barely grasped myself – and tend not to be able to express fully what I believe it’s on about. I obviously have a lot of learning to do, which I don’t mind, just need to be able to find the time without missing out on other important things.
I think it’s about time I started taking notes as well – I’ve been just reading through everything up till now in the belief that it was better to get a broad understanding before I started getting into detail and nutting it out but I’m finding I really need to be laying it down and reiterating it myself so that I can learn properly. It’s probably a good exercise for testing the mind mapping processes – I’ll dig out a fresh notebook and start on that this week I think…
Me
I don’t normally do this. But for some reason today it appealled – so I did. It’s probably because I didn’t receive it as a chain email, but saw it on Trisha’s blog. It’s probably a bad idea putting this much guff up on the internet but make of it what you will.
BASICS
Your gender: Male
Straight/gay/bi? Straight
Single? Nope
Want to be? Nope – want to be even less single than I currently am
Your birthday: 4th May 1979
Your age: 25
Your height: 6?3? or 6′4″, can’t remember, don’t have a measure
The color of your eyes: Something between gray/hazel and steely blue – they change
The color of your hair: Brown, currently with big blonde streaks
Left/right/ambidextrous? Right-handed naturally, ambi for some things
Have any pets? Loki, my cat
What?s your job: Computer Programmer / Development Manager
Piercings? One, left ear
Tattoos? No, but possibly
Obsessions? Is this a trick question?? Many – right now it’s alchemy/kabbalah/freemasonry/rosicrucianism/golden dawn/the essenes (although this set of obsessions looks a lot more permanent). Another minor obsession is lockpicking…
Addictions? I’m addicted to R, in every way. Addicted to sniggles and playing with B. Also addicted to coffee, learning, good music and oddly enough, the gym
Do you speak another language? People sometimes claim I do. Am looking at learning Hebrew, Latin and possibly Aramaic – wouldn’t mind learning Irish too
Have a favorite quote? I have three – “You can always get more money, but you can never get more time”, “Being in love is feeling the sun shining on you from both sides” and “Four things come not back – the sped arrow, the spoken word, time spent and the opportunity missed — Omar, 2BC”
Do you have a webpage? Several – primary among which are this blog, www.poetic-license.org and www.lyricist.com.au
DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
Do you live in the moment? I try to appreciate the moment always, but I can’t always dwell only there. My love of my family, and my deep thirst for knowledge cause me to spend much time looking to the past and the future
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? Yes. Mostly
Do you have any secrets? Plenty
Do you hate yourself? Not any more
Do you like your handwriting? Not really. I can write neatly if I force it, but if I can’t write as fast as I type, so I write very messily
Do you have any bad habits? Drinking out of the milk carton. Procrastination. Molesting R when she’s trying to do something important / annoying / dangerous
What is the compliment you get most from people? Usually something along the lines of either being intelligent or well spoken, or being reliable / trustworthy. Sometimes on looks, although more when I’m not carrying as much weight
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? The Shining? The Jackdaw Diaries? (or magpie diaries for all you ill-educated aussies)
What?s your biggest fear? Being a poor husband or a bad father / letting R or B down in any way. Brain Damage / Paralysis
Can you sing? Reasonably if I work at it
Are you a daredevil? Not at my current weight – otherwise it depends on the reward
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? Fear: Never being fit and pain-free again. Hate: Self-destructiveness (mostly past now) and my physical girth/weight/lack of fitness
Are you passive or aggressive? A little of both at different times. If it involves a man hitting a woman – always the latter
Have you got a journal? This blog and a notebook I carry with me. Don’t write in the notebook as much as its easier to get thoughts out through a keyboard
What is your greatest strength and weakness? Strength – my ability to analyze myself and my actions or emotions, or my honour. Weaknesses – sometimes self doubt, sometimes the fact that when I give someone my trust I give it 100% – but I personally consider the latter more of a strength
How do you vent? If I think about it, I play an involving and/or violent video game or write, if I don’t think about it – swear my head off
Do you think you are emotionally strong? Yes
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? Not sorting my life out sooner and comitting to R earlier and not being born with super powers
Do you think life has been good so far? It’s been interesting – the results currently are wonderful
What is the most important lesson you?ve learned from life? Love and honour above all else
What do you like the most about your body? It’s size – proportionally speaking. When I am in shape, I am a good height and very broad in the shoulders / chest, which I enjoy. I like being big – and I like the fact that I have naturally slim and nimble hands
And least? Right now my belly, more permanently, scars
Do you think you are good looking? When I’m fit, I’m decent looking. Right now I’m… marshmallow looking
Are you confident? Yes
What is the fictional character you?re most like? Um… Shrek?
Do people know how you feel? Generally yes
Are you perceived wrongly? Not usually
DO YOU?
Smoke? Not any more – apart from the occasional cigar
Do drugs? Many Many drugs… but most of them prescription
Read the newspaper? Not if I can help it, it depresses me
Pray? Sometimes
Go to church? No
Talk to strangers who IM you? Not usually
Sleep with stuffed animals? No, but I own plenty (most sit around my computer) and R sometimes has some in the bed that I’ve given her
Take walks in the rain? Yes – I love the rain
Talk to people even though you hate them? Occasionally have to – otherwise tend to avoid people I hate unless absolutely necessary for someone else’s sake
Drive? I would had I a license
Like to drive fast? not really – I enjoy the speed when the roads are lonely, but mostly I’m mindblown by the idiots on the road, so I try not to add to the problem
WOULD OR HAVE YOU EVER?
Hurt yourself? In the past
Been out of the country? Yes, England, Scotland, US, Canada and various stopovers at airports in asia
Been in love? Yes
Gone skinny dipping? Yes
Had a medical emergency? Yes
Had a surgery? Yes
Ran away from home? Yes
Played strip poker? Yes
Gotten beaten up? Yes
Beaten someone up? Yes – but never anyone undeserving. I have occasionally lost my temper with someone holding a knife or beating a woman
Been picked on? A lot. Was a good little christian boy as a child, overweight sometimes and a geek, and a loner
Thought about suicide? Yes. Not any more
Pulled an all-nighter? Many – work, play and otherwise
If yes, what is your record? Long enough to see things and talk to people who weren’t there, plus slip into unconsciousness
Gone one day without food? Sometimes a couple of days – worst was only three
Talked on the phone all night? Yes
Slept all day? Many times – sometimes for a whole weekend
Made out with a stranger? Yes
Had sex with a stranger? Yes
Thought you?re going crazy? Yes
Kissed the same sex? Kissed yes, snogged no
Done anything sexual with the same sex? No
Been betrayed? Yes
Had a dream that came true? Several
Broken the law? Yes – allegedly
Met a famous person? Yes
Have you ever killed an animal by accident? As roadkill, or possibly in an explosion… allegedly
On purpose? Yes, but only in self defence. Oh and fish.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn?t tell? When I was a child
Stolen anything? Yes – allegedly
Been on radio/tv? Yes
Been in a mosh-pit? Yes
Had a nervous breakdown? Yes
Considered religious vocation? Yes – gave serious thought to becoming a monk, either in an isolationist order or shaolin
Been criticized about your sexual performance? No
Bungee jumped? No
Had a dream that kept coming back? Many
CLOTHES and other fashion junk
Shoe brand? I’m not particularly fussed – I favour Nike in trainers at the moment as they’re usually the only ones that fit, and last for any length of time
Brand of clothing? Pfft.. whatever “High and Mighty” have on sale
Cologne/perfume? Joop, Opium and something my brother gave me called 1893 or some such date – it’s nice
How about panties? Not usually
Wear hats? sometimes a cap or bandana – have in one period in my past worn a beret
Judge other people by their clothing? I try to remember not to, but I often wonder things about people based on their clothing
Wear make-up? No
Favourite place to shop? Old bookshops and toy shops. Also partial to fredericks.com for presents for R
Favourite article of clothing? my big overcoat – used to be my brown leather jacket (complete with bloadstains and knife wounds!) but it’s now too small
Are you trendy? Ummmmmmm…. nope
Would you rather wear a uniform to school? Absolutely
BELIEFS
Believe in life on other planets? Possibly cellular life, not intelligent
Miracles? Yes
Astrology? Astrology yes, but not divination or personal horoscopes
Magic? Yes (but depends on your definition)
God? Yes, although not necessarily the standard catholic definition
Satan? Not entirely sure – well, not sure about an actual evil entity anyways
Santa? No
Ghosts? Leaning toward yes
Luck? No
Love at first sight? Yes
Yin and Yang? yin and yang – balance – is present in everything, it’s not a matter of belief 
Witches? Yes, although not the Fiona Horne kind
Easter bunny? No
Believe it?s possible to remain faithful forever? Yes
Believe there?s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Metaphorically, sometimes – literally no
Do you wish on stars? No
DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? I believe in an overall supreme being or consciousness, beyond that I’m not sure
Do you think God has a gender? No, I think the nature of God surpasses our current human ability to comprehend
Do you think that science counteracts religion? Science counteracts dogma, but in my opinion it supports the core tenets of religion – IE God and creation
Do you believe in organized religion? I believe in the value of shared worship, but I don’t believe in “The Church” – particularly Anglican and Catholic
Where do you think we go when we die? Nowhere – but I don’t believe we perish either. But this blog entry is already long enough…
LOVE, and all that
Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title? No
Do you consider love a mistake? It is a mistake to deny love in any form
What do you find romantic? Time alone together, random gifts, poetry, candlelight, music, silence, holding hands, stuff like that
Turn-on? Eyes, neck/shoulders, long hair, intelligence, will, compassion, a pretty face and a few of the obvious things…
Turn-off? Eating with your mouth open, bad breath, millitant feminism, hate, ignorance and bad english
First kiss? Was 15 I think, Tracey Pawley in Cornwall – a girl I’d played with as a child, and saw when I returned to cornwall many years later.
If you had no interest in dating someone who expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? Flattered
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them? I prefer knowing someone I’m going to date, but not dating someone I’m close friends with
Have you ever wished it was more ?socially acceptable? for a girl to ask a guy out? Desperately
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? Yes
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? Some – the only one that matters tells me so, so that’s enough
What is best about the opposite sex? Soft skin, a different kind of strength, beauty inside and out, emotions, pregnancy, complexity, the mothering instinct
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? Their tendancy to tease me mercilessly…
Do you read porn? No
What?s the last present someone gave you? “The Other Bible”, contains the apocryphal texts, book of enoch, nag hammadi etc
Are you in love? Utterly
Do you consider your significant other hot? Insanely so
What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk? Wonder how I’d ended up in the US. If I saw one on the pavement however, I’d look at them and keep moving
RIGHT THIS MOMENT?
Are you going out? About to go home from work
What are you wearing right now? Black jeans, blue shirt, trainers and the usual accompaniments. Gold bracelet, gold earring, glasses
Body-part you?re touching right now: My mouth – covering yawns
What are you worried about right now? That I can get finances together quickly enough to get married and start having more kids with R!
What book are you reading? A Garden of Pomegranetes, Skrying on the Tree of Life, by Isreal Regardie (edited and added to by Chic and Samantha Tabatha Cicero)
Are you bored? Don’t have time
Are you tired? Very, and hot
Are you talking to anyone online? Yes
Are you talking to anyone on the phone? No
Are you lonely or content? Content
Are you listening to music? No
Dreams of the future
I was talking to R last night just before we went to sleep, and we fantasized about winning the lottery, as we often do However in talking it through I realised something I’ve been thinking of for a while. I would really love to be able to be financially free, and just live the life of an academic – do research, write books, do a couple of masters degrees in linguistics and literature perhaps, and maybe one day teach something of the sort. That would be awesome – to spend my days learning and writing, playing the fiddle and getting into the subjects that really touch my heart.
I still enjoy coding a great deal, although with the more management work I’ve been doing at LP I’ve come to realise deep down that I’m not going to be able to be a coder for the rest of my career. I want to go beyond that – some of that will be in architecting most in management I suspect. But if I suddenly struck it rich I think I’d be tempted to just go into hardcore development mode for a while – code till I got bored (although not the old 16 hour days any more, or I’ll have no time with R and B) and then when I’ve burnt that out of my system, just drop back and go to studying, research and writing. Perhaps it’s the hopeless romantic in me but somehow that seems a rather idyllic life to me…
Eclipse
I gave eclipse and the cfeclipse plugin a good working out over the weekend, getting some work done for a client. It’s a nice environment, fairly lightweight and very clean in terms of interface. I enjoyed the tag insight and things like getting a short blurb on the parameters of a function or tag when you moused over it – however I found that the things that really improved my productivity in jEdit are the really advanced text navigation capabilities. The “smart” home and end keys, that let you go to the beginning of text on a line (IE after the indenting) with one press, then a second to go to the real beginning of the line with a second is great, and works in reverse for the end key as well. It makes a huge difference to the way I work and I had trouble living without it.
I find in general jEdit’s capacity for things like regex search, complex text selection and better navigation really made a difference for me. Snippets etc can be setup to work the same way in eclipse, although changing the font is almost impossible. What I liked about eclipse was the open, clean workspace, and the task list – a window at the bottom that shows you comments using “TODO:” or “DEBUG:” etc. Very handy as you’re working. I found the equivalent for the tasklist in jEdit today, and also found a number of settings that clean up the interface and give me a lot more real estate on the screen to work in so I’m pretty happy with that.
If I can find the time I do want to attempt to port the CFC code outline from eclipse into jEdit, and I do like the cvs integration with diff screens etc, but overall I think I’m sticking with jEdit at least for the immediate future.
SuSE 9.2
It was a struggle, but I finally convinced Suse 9.2 to play nice on my machine. In all fairness I think I had a dodgy dvd, but there were some issues that others seem to have also seen, between my harddisk and/or motherboard and the new kernel. The installer wouldn’t run past the hard disk probing stage properly. Actually now that I think about it, I’m not sure what it was that even got me past that stage… I know that between mucking about with a suse 9.1 mini install cd, the 9.2 dvd and a 9.1 cd I finally got something to boot. OH! I remember now… I installed a completely minimal version of Suse 9.1 (I had already fdisked my hard drive to attempt to get past the problems I was having with the 9.2 installer) then I managed to get the 9.2 destination on the ftp server in as the system update source in YaST, and ran a system update via ftp. It took ages, but I managed to get everything I need installed. Suse 9.2 is lovely, and it’s got the latest version of KDE built in – plus will install things like firefox, thunderbird, jEdit and eclipse for you which I thought was cool. I have yet to install enlightenment, as I’ve been trying the kde desktop – it’s running with less eye candy than I had before, but it’s a fair bit slower than my previous desktop. I don’t know whether that’s due to the kernel changes or kde itself, but I’ll be moving back to enlightenment as shortly as possible I think – or something similar.