musings on software development, writing and life

Well I’ve finally gotten it going – I’m exercising in the mornings. For the last week I’ve been getting out of bed between 0500 and 0530, to get to work by 0700 and use the treadmill in the gym. Right now I’m only doing 40 minutes at 6K an hour, but that’s enough to make me sweat buckets. Once I’ve gotten my cardiovascular system to wake up agaoin, I’ll start using the rower and the bike I think, then move onto the weights as well.

I have an appointment monday evening with the Lonely Planet Gym instructor for a “fitness assessment” – although I told him it was more likely in my case to be an exercise survival likelihood assessment. I should be able to get help with designing a circuit that will maximise the weight loss from the time I spend in the gym. Plus it will help to have someone who knows what they’re doing organising it as I’m all too likely to attempt to train the way I used to, and do myself in. Sometimes it’s hard to realise just how long ago it was that I was actually in shape…

Ach well, progress is progress. After I do the walking I’ve been practising a bit of meditation – more about that later, but the whole rigamarole is making a big difference to my mornings. Public transport at that time of the morning is not exactly pretty, but with luck I’ll be driving in soon. I’m beginning to resent the amount of time I lose to PT, but in the meantime I’m going to use the time to get in those Personal Power CDs. Vaughan has been reading all these time management books and things like “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and it seems to be a little catching. He’s going all out to establish new professional and personal habits, and I’m starting to get interested in it myself. The new job is a part of that I think, as I need all the help I can get in getting more time out of my day – so much to do! It’s fun, but it’s pretty hectic, and I need to learn some more about managing my time so I don’t end up making mistakes from rushing about.

That leads me to my next bit of drivel. Perhaps it’s all the meditation (although I suspect it has more to do with the early mornings), but I’ve been a bit introspective of late. I’ve been devoting a great deal of thought to the analysis of my procrastination, and general difficulties when it comes to doing things like changing my routine. A thought occurred to me that for some reason seems never to have popped up before – I believe the whole procrastinating thing and many of it’s associated symptoms is a product of defence… Let me explain.

Most young men (and women, for that matter) enter a phase of their lives in their late teens or early twenties when they strike out on their own. University, shared accommodation, paying bills and rent etc etc. I never really went through that stage, having a more abrupt leaving home. I learned a form of self-sufficience, but I never really took that step of setting myself up and building my own life, under my control. There were obvious reasons I suppose, but the why’s and wherefores are fairly well irrelevant now – the important thing is that I never took that leap of faith.

That life, which seems several lifetimes ago, is almost incomprehensible when I compare it to my life today. And the biggest realization, which to some extent I have always understood, is that the entire lifestyle, the attitude, the behaviour, the emotional emptiness – it’s all a form of defence. My heart and mind rebelled against being in the situation they were in and I just hid behind the situation. I’ve never taken that step out to test myself against a normal life and just make do they way most people do – and I think the root of my procrastination at making these changes is based in the fact that I’ve been subconsciously afraid of trying it in case I fail, and end up back there.

Oddly enough – this came as a revelation to me It has certainly cast thoughts of this nature in a much different light. They say understanding is the first step to mental and emotional mastery, and it definitely seems to be true in this case. Now that I’ve realised this I’m finding the changes easier to make, which is astounding me. In some ways it’s making me a little annoyed at myself for waiting this long when it was never anything terribly hard to do – but I know that’s not the case. None of this gives me any excuses, but it’s shown me where the original fault lies, and now I can correct it.

Surprisingly getting up at 0500 in the morning is actually quite rewarding I’m very tired, being out of the training game for so long (or even exercising at all!) it’s wearing me out but it’s definitely making me feel better, and the weight is beginning to shift. I’ve switched to muesli for breakfast, and I make sandwiches at work without butter (I keep all the stuff in the fridge etc at work). I’ve successfully avoided snacking and muffins in the cafe, and I’ve managed to stop eating all that rubbish in the evenings – I’ve even gone so far as to cut sugar from my coffee… what is the world coming to.

At any rate, things are picking up. With the changes comes a slight feeling of pride – and an amazing relief finding that it is indeed possible to change these things. Now all I have to do is keep it going and I’ll finally get things back on track.

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